Last week, we heard of God's promise to return to and restore the Temple in Jerusalem. However, God's work of restoration does not end with the Temple. Instead, the Temple is a kind of epicenter of God's restorative work. The return of God's presence to Jerusalem brings life and health to the entire land. The final chapters of Ezekiel go on to describe the restoration of the priesthood, feasts, sacrifices, the city, and the entire land of Israel.
As a part of that restoration, Ezekiel 47 narrates for us the last of Ezekiel's guided tour like visions. Ezekiel's guide takes him back to the door of the Temple where Ezekiel sees water trickling out from underneath the threshold of the Temple. From there, we are told several of the properties of this babbling brook which indicate to us its supernatural character. This small stream of water turns so as to avoid the altar then continues on outside of the Temple complex. It flows directly east, the same direction from which Yahweh had come to return to to the Temple. It seems the flow of this stream is not determined by geographical factors. In fact, as it flows further east, its get deeper and deeper despite there being no mention of any tributaries flowing into it. What started as a trickle eventually turns into a rushing river which flows through the desert region of the Arabah and runs into the Dead Sea. We are told that this sea, so full of salt that almost nothing can survive in it, will be "healed" by this river which flows from the Temple, its densely salted water turned fresh so that it will teem with life. We are told it will be a place for "the spreading of nets" from Engedi to Enelgaim. While the location of these two ancient towns is not absolutely certain, it is thought that Engedi was on the western shore of the Dead Sea and Enelgaim was on the southereastern shore, meaning that the entire Dead Sea will be good for fishing. However, we are told in v.11 that the swamps and marshes will be left as salt water presumably so that there will still be a source of salt in the area for seasoning and preserving food. On both sides of the river are an abundance of fruit trees which remarkably are never out of season. Their leaves do not wither and they bear fruit every month of the year. Furthermore, their leaves will have healing properties.
Clearly, this vision Ezekiel sees goes well beyond a promise for Israel's historical return from exile. It is a promise not only that Israel will be restored to its land but that the land itself will be restored and renewed in a dramatic, other-worldly kind of way. As Ezekiel has made clear in his other prophecies of restoration, a simple return from political captivity is not enough; a cleansing, renewing work of God that frees from the captivity of sin is needed to keep his people from falling back into their same old sins. They need to be sprinkled with clean water and given a new heart and a new Spirit. These dry bones need the breathe of God to raise them to new life. A new creation is needed.
John picks up this idea in Revelation 22 as he describes the new creation which God is going to bring about. In this new creation, there is no need of a temple since God dwells directly among his people. So John sees this river issuing out not from the Temple but from the throne of God and the Lamb. This river flows down the middle street of the new Jerusalem and the tree of life grows on either side of it yielding its twelve fruits twelve months of the year. The leaves of this tree are for healing as well but not only for Israel but for all the nations. What Ezekiel saw as God's promise to make Israel new, John sees as a promise to heal all peoples and all of creation.
Monday, October 25, 2010
Monday, October 18, 2010
The Promised Temple
Over the course of Ezekiel's prophetic writings, we have been shown the full gamut of Israel's ugliness and sin. In chapter 8, we heard of Israel's worship of other gods and Israel's complete lack of trust in Yahweh. Chapter 16 described Israel as an unfaithful whore, actively pursuing everyone except the God who rescued her. It is all of this sin and unfaithfulness which causes the glory of the Lord to depart from the Temple in chapter 10. God is driven out of his own home by the filth of his people's idolatry. As a result, in chapter 1, Ezekiel sees God not in the Temple in Jerusalem but in his chariot-throne on the banks of the Chebar Canal in Babylon. Much of Ezekiel's writings portray Israel as a sinful and forsaken people.
But in the later chapters of the book, we are reminded that even Israel immense sins are not beyond God's healing power. In chapter 36, God proclaimed that he would restore those in captivity to their homeland and make them clean for the sake of his own reputation. In Ezekiel 37, God gives Ezekiel a vision of an army of dry bones coming to life, a promise of the life that God is about to breathe into this dead people.
Chapter 43 is the climax of these prophecies of restoration. In the opening verses of this chapter, we hear that God is returning to his Temple. Ezekiel sees the same vision of God that he saw on the banks of the Chebar except now the Spirit of the Lord is approaching the Temple from the east, away from Babylon and back to Jerusalem. The Temple will once again be God's throne and God's footstool. His permanent dwelling will once again be with his people.
But the final chapters of Ezekiel are not only about Yahweh's return to the Temple. It is about the restoration of the Temple itself and all that restoration symbolizes. When Ezekiel sees this vision of the Temple and God's return to it, there is no Temple. It has been destroyed in the Babylonian destruction of Jerusalem. Chapter 43 comes in the midst of several chapters which meticulously describe every aspect of this new Temple, much like the meticulous description of the old Temple in earlier parts of the Old Testament. However, whereas those earlier descriptions served as instruction, this description is one of promise. There are no commands to build this Temple that is envisioned. Indeed, there is no opportunity to build since those receiving the vision are still in exile. Instead, Ezekiel is simply told to convey the vision to the people of Israel, in all of its detail oriented glory, so that "they may be ashamed of their sins." Strangely, the designs of this building plan are also God's design for his people's repentance. This building will stand as a physical reminder of God's faithfulness which can only remind Israel of all of its own unfaithfulness.
Of course, the New Testament writers will repeatedly use the Temple as a metaphor for the Church. Whereas in the past God's Spirit had dwelt in a building, the Church believed that Spirit which also empowered Jesus now dwells in Jesus' followers making the Church God's new temple. Ezekiel's vision is especially apt for our understanding of ourselves as the Temple since it is a blueprint for a promised building that can not yet be completed. Likewise, the Church is to be a kind of blueprint for the new creation, God's final restoration of all things. Undoubtedly, contemplating this final vision of God's restoration will remind us of all the ways that we fall short. Nevertheless, we are also called to be a physical reminder of God's faithfulness and the promise of restoration which God intends to fulfill.
But in the later chapters of the book, we are reminded that even Israel immense sins are not beyond God's healing power. In chapter 36, God proclaimed that he would restore those in captivity to their homeland and make them clean for the sake of his own reputation. In Ezekiel 37, God gives Ezekiel a vision of an army of dry bones coming to life, a promise of the life that God is about to breathe into this dead people.
Chapter 43 is the climax of these prophecies of restoration. In the opening verses of this chapter, we hear that God is returning to his Temple. Ezekiel sees the same vision of God that he saw on the banks of the Chebar except now the Spirit of the Lord is approaching the Temple from the east, away from Babylon and back to Jerusalem. The Temple will once again be God's throne and God's footstool. His permanent dwelling will once again be with his people.
But the final chapters of Ezekiel are not only about Yahweh's return to the Temple. It is about the restoration of the Temple itself and all that restoration symbolizes. When Ezekiel sees this vision of the Temple and God's return to it, there is no Temple. It has been destroyed in the Babylonian destruction of Jerusalem. Chapter 43 comes in the midst of several chapters which meticulously describe every aspect of this new Temple, much like the meticulous description of the old Temple in earlier parts of the Old Testament. However, whereas those earlier descriptions served as instruction, this description is one of promise. There are no commands to build this Temple that is envisioned. Indeed, there is no opportunity to build since those receiving the vision are still in exile. Instead, Ezekiel is simply told to convey the vision to the people of Israel, in all of its detail oriented glory, so that "they may be ashamed of their sins." Strangely, the designs of this building plan are also God's design for his people's repentance. This building will stand as a physical reminder of God's faithfulness which can only remind Israel of all of its own unfaithfulness.
Of course, the New Testament writers will repeatedly use the Temple as a metaphor for the Church. Whereas in the past God's Spirit had dwelt in a building, the Church believed that Spirit which also empowered Jesus now dwells in Jesus' followers making the Church God's new temple. Ezekiel's vision is especially apt for our understanding of ourselves as the Temple since it is a blueprint for a promised building that can not yet be completed. Likewise, the Church is to be a kind of blueprint for the new creation, God's final restoration of all things. Undoubtedly, contemplating this final vision of God's restoration will remind us of all the ways that we fall short. Nevertheless, we are also called to be a physical reminder of God's faithfulness and the promise of restoration which God intends to fulfill.
Friday, October 8, 2010
Preaching in Death Valley
And he said to me, "Son of man, can these bones live?" and I answered, "O Lord God, you know." Then he said to me, prophesy over these bones and say to them, "O dry bones, hear the word of the Lord." - Ezekiel 37:3-4God called Ezekiel to do a lot of absurd things. This one takes the cake. At least the strange sign-acts for which God commissioned Ezekiel were in front of people who could see, hear, and have some chance, however small, to respond. Not so here. Here Ezekiel stands to preach the message he has been given by God but instead of a congregation of willing and responsive listeners, Ezekiel finds that his figurative pulpit has been placed in front of a bunch of skeletons. And he is commanded to preach to these skeletons as if they were living people. "O dry bones, hear the word of the Lord." At least there will be no complaints about the length of the sermon.
What preacher, at least on some rare occasion, hasn't felt like they were doing what Ezekiel does here? What preacher hasn't at some time or another felt like they were speaking to a congregation as lifeless as a valley of dry bones? At some point we've all felt like our sermons were addressed to spiritual zombies who carry on as if they were alive but whose attitudes and actions say "Our bones are dried up, and our hope is lost; we are indeed cut off." (Of course, some of our own sermons and spiritual practices are themselves responsible for turning them into zombies but that's a post for another day.)
This is not some underhanded, back door way to complain about the spiritual failures of my own congregation. This blog post is not a reflection on some current frustration with my own church people. In fact, this is a bit easier to write this week because this past Sunday was one of the most alive and responsive services we have had since I've been the pastor here. This is not to say that we don't have our own spiritual deadness. It is simply to say that I will confront that deadness on Sunday morning when I preach and in our continued life together as a community of faith rather than in a blog post.
The point is, that as pastors, God has called us to prophesy to these dry bones of a people and as we do God asks us the same question which he asked Ezekiel and which is already running through our own minds. Is it really possible that these dry bones can live? Is this preaching, all this ministry doing any good? I've said the same things over and over again and not only has nothing changed but it doesn't even seem like they've heard what I've said.
Like Ezekiel, we are probably hesitant to give an unambiguous answer. Can these dead church people be made alive again? Well God, only you know the answer to that question (...but I have my own opinions on the matter). Then comes the command that demands trust: "Prophesy over these bones...". Keep preaching. Don't let the spiritual deadness of your audience prevent you from proclaiming. Even to dry bones continue to say "Hear the word of the Lord". This is all Ezekiel is called to. It is not his task to make alive what is dead. It is his task to be obedient in proclaiming the word of the Lord, even in the valley of death where it appears there is no one able to hear.
When we preach to those dry bones over and over again, it is tempting to bring our puppet strings; to find something that will make these skeletons dance and play; to use anything we can find that will make those dry bones look and feel more alive. At least then we would have the illusion of having an audience worthy of our preaching. But inasmuch as we become puppeteers rather than prophets we reveal what we really believe about that question that God asks us. "No Lord, I don't believe that you can make alive what is dead so I will do my best to give death the appearance of life."
But then, probably when we least expect it, probably when we've become so accustomed to the deadness that it doesn't even feel strange to preach to skeletons anymore, perhaps when we've began to feel like enough of a skeleton ourselves that we no longer have the strength to hold up the marionette, then the bones begin to rattle together and the breath of God floods in from every direction and there is suddenly life where there once was not. We are reminded that if we will keep proclaiming as we've been commanded then God is more than able to raise up an army of an audience to hear his word. To continue to prophesy in the valley of dry bones is an act of trust that says to our God "I believe these bones can live again".
Monday, October 4, 2010
Can These Bones Live?
Defeat, death, and decay are the colors of darkness that fill Ezekiel's vision in chapter 37. There has been a battle in this valley but the victors have long since moved on leaving the bones of the dead and defeated behind to rot. In fact, by the time Ezekiel sees them, they are done rotting. These bones are dry. Their defeat so long past, so complete, so utterly irreversible, that there are not even remnants of flesh on these bones. They belong to an army not only defeated but also seemingly forgotten, their sacrifice unappreciated, as they are left for the birds to pick clean and the elements to smooth over until one day they will be erased completely, no memory of them left on the earth.
In the midst of this yawning abyss, an absurd question is asked; "Can these bones live?". A question so absurd that even Ezekiel seems hesitant to offer as an answer what he can only hope. Instead, he throws the question back to the questioner; "Lord, you know." And so God begins the work of reversing the utterly irreversible, breathing life where there was once death.
It is not until after the vision is complete that the identity of these bones is revealed. One might have concluded easily enough that these were the bones of those who lost their lives defending Jerusalem against the Babylonians onslaught. But v.11 tells us otherwise. "Then he said to me: "Son of man, these bones are the whole house of Israel. They say, 'Our bones are dried up and our hope is gone; we are cut off.'" It is those who have survived that see themselves as dry bones. This is a vision for those whose bodies are alive but whose situation is so defeated and hopeless that they feel like nothing more than dry bones. This is a vision for the living dead.
For the exiles in Babylon, this is a promise that they will one day return home. Their exile is not endless; their destruction is not complete. But it is also more than that. It is a demonstration to Israel concerning the kind of God that they serve; the kind of God who reverses the irreversible, the kind of God who can rattle dry bones to life; the kind of God who raises the crucified.
Often we find ourselves asking the same question of ourselves, our churches, and our world; "Can these dry bones live?" Can those who seem dead to all spiritual counsel ever be spiritually alive? Can the old, aching bodies that have served Christ for so long still render faithfulness to their Lord? Can those who have suffered immeasurable loss ever be made whole? Can a church which has declined in number for two decades be made alive again? Can a world so full of death and sin ever know life and peace?
Can God raise the dead? Everything hinges on this. If the answer is no, then we are to be pitied more than all people. But if the answer is yes...
In the midst of this yawning abyss, an absurd question is asked; "Can these bones live?". A question so absurd that even Ezekiel seems hesitant to offer as an answer what he can only hope. Instead, he throws the question back to the questioner; "Lord, you know." And so God begins the work of reversing the utterly irreversible, breathing life where there was once death.
It is not until after the vision is complete that the identity of these bones is revealed. One might have concluded easily enough that these were the bones of those who lost their lives defending Jerusalem against the Babylonians onslaught. But v.11 tells us otherwise. "Then he said to me: "Son of man, these bones are the whole house of Israel. They say, 'Our bones are dried up and our hope is gone; we are cut off.'" It is those who have survived that see themselves as dry bones. This is a vision for those whose bodies are alive but whose situation is so defeated and hopeless that they feel like nothing more than dry bones. This is a vision for the living dead.
For the exiles in Babylon, this is a promise that they will one day return home. Their exile is not endless; their destruction is not complete. But it is also more than that. It is a demonstration to Israel concerning the kind of God that they serve; the kind of God who reverses the irreversible, the kind of God who can rattle dry bones to life; the kind of God who raises the crucified.
Often we find ourselves asking the same question of ourselves, our churches, and our world; "Can these dry bones live?" Can those who seem dead to all spiritual counsel ever be spiritually alive? Can the old, aching bodies that have served Christ for so long still render faithfulness to their Lord? Can those who have suffered immeasurable loss ever be made whole? Can a church which has declined in number for two decades be made alive again? Can a world so full of death and sin ever know life and peace?
Can God raise the dead? Everything hinges on this. If the answer is no, then we are to be pitied more than all people. But if the answer is yes...
Monday, September 27, 2010
God's PR Team
God has a PR problem.
As God's chosen people, Israel was to represent to the world the God who delivered them from slavery. Instead of revealing himself to all people, God had chosen to reveal himself specifically to one group of people, one nation, Israel. In turn, the Israelites were supposed to be a kingdom of priests, a holy nation, revealing God to all the other peoples of the earth through the holy, distinctive way of life to which God had called them. Israel was, in essence, God's public relations team.
However, one of the major themes of the book of Ezekiel is how badly the people of Israel failed in this PR task. God's chosen people have badly misrepresented Yahweh to the nations with their syncretism and idolatry which is so severe that Ezekiel describes his own people as a prostitute who gives herself out to everyone but her husband. As a result, God's name has been profaned among the nations. Instead of Israel bringing honor and glory to Yahweh, they have tarnished God's reputation, bringing shame upon the name of the God that they serve.
Anyone else who found themselves in this position would simply find new representation. Any celebrity or politician would quickly fire their agent or campaign manager if they couldn't do any better than this. And, in a way, that is what God does too... for a time. God does allow Israel to be taken into exile because of their unfaithful representation of him. Israel has to know that God will not tolerate his name being dragged through the mud in this way. But even this is only for a time.
In Ezekiel 36, God promises to bring back the people who have misrepresented him so badly. However, God makes abundantly clear in this passage that he is not doing this for their sake but for his own. Having failed so badly at their task, there is nothing that Israel could do to deserve God hiring them as his representatives once again. There is nothing that Israel can offer God. Instead, God says that he will deliver his people once again so that God himself will be honored and vindicated, so that his holiness will be known. God is doing this so that all the nations will know that God does not abandon his people and that God is powerful enough to save, even more powerful than the mightiest nations on earth.
However, God also will not allow these people to represent him as they are. He will not deliver them back into their old land which he gave them just so that they can go back to their old prostituting ways. No, God promises to cleanse his people and make them holy (even though they have not asked God to do this, of course, how could such an unholy people make such a holy request in the first place). God even says that he will perform a heart transplant, replacing their heart of stone with a heart of flesh. God is going to give this people his own Spirit so they will follow his Law and live the life God had always called them to live. This is the only way for the perpetual cycle of sin to be broken; to have God's own Spirit at work within us.
As Christians, we believe that this promise has been fulfilled in the person of Jesus Christ. We believe that the Spirit of God resided in Jesus, empowering his life and ministry, and that this same Spirit was poured out upon his followers, the Church, the New Israel. We believe that even though God knows our often whorish ways, he continues to call human beings to be his representatives in the world. God calls us to be made clean and to allow his Spirit to work in us so that we might truly represent him in all of his holiness.
Of course, we also know that all too often God still has a PR problem today. So many people claim the title "Christian" and by doing so claim to represent God in their thoughts, words, and deeds. But somehow none of those thoughts, words, or actions seem to look much like Jesus and so God's name ends up being dragged through the mud once again. Perhaps at the root of all this is our forgetting that what God does in us is not primarily about us but about God. We shouldn't think for a minute that this is for our sake, for our happiness, for our own self-fulfillment. After all Jesus taught that our first request in any prayer is for God's reputation to be honored; "Our Father who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name...". We have been called to honor God in all that we do and it is for that task that God says he will make us clean, give is a new heart, and place his very own Spirit within us.
As God's chosen people, Israel was to represent to the world the God who delivered them from slavery. Instead of revealing himself to all people, God had chosen to reveal himself specifically to one group of people, one nation, Israel. In turn, the Israelites were supposed to be a kingdom of priests, a holy nation, revealing God to all the other peoples of the earth through the holy, distinctive way of life to which God had called them. Israel was, in essence, God's public relations team.
However, one of the major themes of the book of Ezekiel is how badly the people of Israel failed in this PR task. God's chosen people have badly misrepresented Yahweh to the nations with their syncretism and idolatry which is so severe that Ezekiel describes his own people as a prostitute who gives herself out to everyone but her husband. As a result, God's name has been profaned among the nations. Instead of Israel bringing honor and glory to Yahweh, they have tarnished God's reputation, bringing shame upon the name of the God that they serve.
Anyone else who found themselves in this position would simply find new representation. Any celebrity or politician would quickly fire their agent or campaign manager if they couldn't do any better than this. And, in a way, that is what God does too... for a time. God does allow Israel to be taken into exile because of their unfaithful representation of him. Israel has to know that God will not tolerate his name being dragged through the mud in this way. But even this is only for a time.
In Ezekiel 36, God promises to bring back the people who have misrepresented him so badly. However, God makes abundantly clear in this passage that he is not doing this for their sake but for his own. Having failed so badly at their task, there is nothing that Israel could do to deserve God hiring them as his representatives once again. There is nothing that Israel can offer God. Instead, God says that he will deliver his people once again so that God himself will be honored and vindicated, so that his holiness will be known. God is doing this so that all the nations will know that God does not abandon his people and that God is powerful enough to save, even more powerful than the mightiest nations on earth.
However, God also will not allow these people to represent him as they are. He will not deliver them back into their old land which he gave them just so that they can go back to their old prostituting ways. No, God promises to cleanse his people and make them holy (even though they have not asked God to do this, of course, how could such an unholy people make such a holy request in the first place). God even says that he will perform a heart transplant, replacing their heart of stone with a heart of flesh. God is going to give this people his own Spirit so they will follow his Law and live the life God had always called them to live. This is the only way for the perpetual cycle of sin to be broken; to have God's own Spirit at work within us.
As Christians, we believe that this promise has been fulfilled in the person of Jesus Christ. We believe that the Spirit of God resided in Jesus, empowering his life and ministry, and that this same Spirit was poured out upon his followers, the Church, the New Israel. We believe that even though God knows our often whorish ways, he continues to call human beings to be his representatives in the world. God calls us to be made clean and to allow his Spirit to work in us so that we might truly represent him in all of his holiness.
Of course, we also know that all too often God still has a PR problem today. So many people claim the title "Christian" and by doing so claim to represent God in their thoughts, words, and deeds. But somehow none of those thoughts, words, or actions seem to look much like Jesus and so God's name ends up being dragged through the mud once again. Perhaps at the root of all this is our forgetting that what God does in us is not primarily about us but about God. We shouldn't think for a minute that this is for our sake, for our happiness, for our own self-fulfillment. After all Jesus taught that our first request in any prayer is for God's reputation to be honored; "Our Father who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name...". We have been called to honor God in all that we do and it is for that task that God says he will make us clean, give is a new heart, and place his very own Spirit within us.
Monday, September 20, 2010
The Watchman
The beginning of Ezekiel 33 reiterates an idea found earlier in the book in chapter 3; that Ezekiel is a watchman for Israel. The watchmen was like a military scout, the ancient version of an early warning device. It was the watchman's job to be on the lookout for an approaching enemy. If an army was approaching, the watchman was to sound the alarm so that the people would have enough time to get inside the city walls before the enemy was at hand. Obviously, many lives depended on the attentiveness of the watchman. If he failed to carry out his duties responsibly, it could cost a lot of people their lives. On the other hand, if for some strange reason the inhabitants of the city were to ignore the warning of the watchman and then died as a result, this would not be the watchman's fault since everyone had the choice whether or not they would heed the watchman's call.
The watchman is indeed an apt metaphor for Ezekiel's role within his community and the role of any prophet in any community really. In Ezekiel's context, the very real, literal army of the Babylonians has already come and carried Ezekiel and many of his fellow Israelites into exile. Nevertheless, Ezekiel's role as watchman continues even within the exiled community, warning those around him of the consequences of unfaithfulness to God. But like the watchman, it is only Ezekiel's job to warn. He has no power to enforce the warning. As long as Ezekiel issues his prophetic warning then he has done his job and it is up to those who hear the warning to respond accordingly.
As a pastor, this is one of the responsibilities I hold within this community of faith and it is one of the most difficult of those responsibilities. Especially in a culture where someone can easily find another church to attend if they don't like what you have to say, it seems almost impossible to speak words of warning like these in a way that is edifying and beneficial when someone is on the wrong path. Perhaps what is worse though is the powerlessness I have felt when I have uttered those words of warning. Such words are difficult enough when they actually lead to repentance but so often they actually lead to rejection and strife. While I continue to pray that God will give me wisdom and humility in these matters, I have also began to learn the truth that not everyone heeds the watchman's warning. Often we must simply speak the truth in love and leave the rest up to God.
Of course, it is not only my responsibility. The entirety of the Church has a prophetic role to play and therefore it is a task left to all of us to speak words of truthfulness and warning to our brothers and sisters in Christ. We are called to be watchmen to each other, reproving each other when we are not living up to the holy life to which we have been called. It is my prayer that God will give us the courage to speak what needs to be spoken and the wisdom and humility to speak it well.
The watchman is indeed an apt metaphor for Ezekiel's role within his community and the role of any prophet in any community really. In Ezekiel's context, the very real, literal army of the Babylonians has already come and carried Ezekiel and many of his fellow Israelites into exile. Nevertheless, Ezekiel's role as watchman continues even within the exiled community, warning those around him of the consequences of unfaithfulness to God. But like the watchman, it is only Ezekiel's job to warn. He has no power to enforce the warning. As long as Ezekiel issues his prophetic warning then he has done his job and it is up to those who hear the warning to respond accordingly.
As a pastor, this is one of the responsibilities I hold within this community of faith and it is one of the most difficult of those responsibilities. Especially in a culture where someone can easily find another church to attend if they don't like what you have to say, it seems almost impossible to speak words of warning like these in a way that is edifying and beneficial when someone is on the wrong path. Perhaps what is worse though is the powerlessness I have felt when I have uttered those words of warning. Such words are difficult enough when they actually lead to repentance but so often they actually lead to rejection and strife. While I continue to pray that God will give me wisdom and humility in these matters, I have also began to learn the truth that not everyone heeds the watchman's warning. Often we must simply speak the truth in love and leave the rest up to God.
Of course, it is not only my responsibility. The entirety of the Church has a prophetic role to play and therefore it is a task left to all of us to speak words of truthfulness and warning to our brothers and sisters in Christ. We are called to be watchmen to each other, reproving each other when we are not living up to the holy life to which we have been called. It is my prayer that God will give us the courage to speak what needs to be spoken and the wisdom and humility to speak it well.
Saturday, September 18, 2010
Obsessive Reading Disorder
My name is Dave. I'm a readaholic.
I recently entered a 12 step program to help me address this issue.
Step 1: Finish school and thereby finish all required reading.
Step 2: Become pastor of your first church.
Steps 3-12: Have children. Its not that these last ten steps mean you have to have 10 children. Its more metaphorical than that. Instead, these ten steps can represents the ten months you will go without sleep. Or they can represent the ten times you will be woken up every night. Take your pick.
Of course, its not like I hadn't dabbled a bit here and there over the last several months. There was the reading for sermons and Bible studies. But that's stuff that anyone could justify.
But then God decided to test me by allowing my children to actually sleep occasionally. The more my children slept the more rested I was and the more free time I had. It wasn't long before I started to slip back into my old habits.
I started seeing a counselor. No, its not what you think. I don't actually know of any counselors trained to treat obsessive reading disorder. I was seeing this counselor to help me be a better counselor in my role as a pastor. Little did I know the path this would lead me down. He actually assigned reading for me as a part of my training.
So I started reading again. It was slow at first. But then something here or there would catch my interest. The book I was reading on counseling was a kind of gateway reading. It led me to reading a book on family systems therapy which led to reading a book on grief which led to reading C.S. Lewis.
But even at this point I think there still would have been hope for a quick recovery if it hadn't been for my wife. She too had abstained for a long time because of our life circumstances which was part of what helped me to stay off the sauce. But now someone had loaned her the Harry Potter series. (I always knew those books were evil.) She got a taste and it was all downhill from there. She always had a book in her hand, reading everywhere; on the couch in front of the TV, in bed, in the middle of the day! It was awful. The housework was neglected. Children were left in my care for long periods of time. It wasn't pretty.
Of course, what they say is true. Its always the kids who suffer most. I can already see how my wife's reading habits are impacting our children. Hannah plays with letters as if they were toys and she is constantly asking me to read to her. Malachi is not even a year old yet and he stares longingly at books as you turn the pages for him as if he can't wait for the day when he will be able to drink in their magic. Poor kid.
But even with all the destructive effects of reading laid before me, I still couldn't help myself. And so, after nearly a year without any binge readings, I picked up The Works of John Wesley, Vol.1.
And now its seems that things are worse than they were before. That was less than a month ago and somehow I find myself already half way through volume 4. I've even experimented with a few other books between volumes. The worst part is that I can't stop thinking about when my next reading will be or what I'll read next. Just the other day we were all in the van on the way to church and I pondered out loud to myself "I wonder if I should starting reading Luther in between volumes of Wesley so that I can compare them or if I should wait until I've finished all 14 volumes of Wesley so that I don't get them confused." Jess was quick to point out to me that she didn't think this was a question that very many people asked themselves which I am pretty sure is just her way of telling me how special I am. But just in case I was wrong, I decided not to tell her that I was already calculating in mind how long it would take me to get to Calvin and Barth too.
My addiction has become so severe that, as of late, I've actually tried to step back and reflect on where this compulsion for reading comes from. For a long time, I could justify my addiction easily enough. I was in college. I was in seminary. Everyone else was doing it. I was just working hard to prepare for being a pastor and I could quit whenever I wanted. I've even considered the very real possibility that my compulsion to read stems from having too much of my self-worth wrapped up in intellectual achievement. (I probably have the psychology reading I did to thank for that one.) But the truth is, while all of those statements have some truth to them, none of them completely exhausts the compulsion I feel for reading.
The irony is (cue the serious part of the post) that as obsessive as my reading habits are I really do believe that this is one of the primary ways that God has chosen to work in me. Perhaps that sounds like the ultimate crutch; like the alcoholic or drug addict saying "I can't help it. This is just the way that God made me." but it is, in fact, what I believe about myself. That's not to say that I don't have to be careful about how much time I spend reading, especially in a profession where my use of time is largely self-directed and there are many important things to do in addition to studying. I readily confess that it will always be a temptation for me to study to the extent that I neglect other important aspects of my role as a pastor (and as a husband and father). I also recognize that when I find what I think is a good balance between reading and other aspects of life there may be others who do not agree with that assessment.
In spite of all that, I still believe that reading and study are and will likely always be one of the primary means of grace in my life. This is about more than having answers or being prepared. This is about how God is shaping me as His servant. I believe this because I know how God used my time at ENC and NTS to transform me as a person. I believe this because I know that now, as I've dedicated larger amounts of my time to studying once again, I feel God working in me in new ways again. These last few weeks that I've spent reading Wesley have been some of the most intense time of spiritual formation I've experience in the last couple of years. God has spoken to me about weaknesses and blind spots in my life and ministry while also helping me let go of some burdens that I've been holding onto for quite some time. I'm looking forward to finding out what else the Word can work in me through the written words of others in the months and years to come.
I recently entered a 12 step program to help me address this issue.
Step 1: Finish school and thereby finish all required reading.
Step 2: Become pastor of your first church.
Steps 3-12: Have children. Its not that these last ten steps mean you have to have 10 children. Its more metaphorical than that. Instead, these ten steps can represents the ten months you will go without sleep. Or they can represent the ten times you will be woken up every night. Take your pick.
Of course, its not like I hadn't dabbled a bit here and there over the last several months. There was the reading for sermons and Bible studies. But that's stuff that anyone could justify.
But then God decided to test me by allowing my children to actually sleep occasionally. The more my children slept the more rested I was and the more free time I had. It wasn't long before I started to slip back into my old habits.
I started seeing a counselor. No, its not what you think. I don't actually know of any counselors trained to treat obsessive reading disorder. I was seeing this counselor to help me be a better counselor in my role as a pastor. Little did I know the path this would lead me down. He actually assigned reading for me as a part of my training.
So I started reading again. It was slow at first. But then something here or there would catch my interest. The book I was reading on counseling was a kind of gateway reading. It led me to reading a book on family systems therapy which led to reading a book on grief which led to reading C.S. Lewis.
But even at this point I think there still would have been hope for a quick recovery if it hadn't been for my wife. She too had abstained for a long time because of our life circumstances which was part of what helped me to stay off the sauce. But now someone had loaned her the Harry Potter series. (I always knew those books were evil.) She got a taste and it was all downhill from there. She always had a book in her hand, reading everywhere; on the couch in front of the TV, in bed, in the middle of the day! It was awful. The housework was neglected. Children were left in my care for long periods of time. It wasn't pretty.
Of course, what they say is true. Its always the kids who suffer most. I can already see how my wife's reading habits are impacting our children. Hannah plays with letters as if they were toys and she is constantly asking me to read to her. Malachi is not even a year old yet and he stares longingly at books as you turn the pages for him as if he can't wait for the day when he will be able to drink in their magic. Poor kid.
But even with all the destructive effects of reading laid before me, I still couldn't help myself. And so, after nearly a year without any binge readings, I picked up The Works of John Wesley, Vol.1.
And now its seems that things are worse than they were before. That was less than a month ago and somehow I find myself already half way through volume 4. I've even experimented with a few other books between volumes. The worst part is that I can't stop thinking about when my next reading will be or what I'll read next. Just the other day we were all in the van on the way to church and I pondered out loud to myself "I wonder if I should starting reading Luther in between volumes of Wesley so that I can compare them or if I should wait until I've finished all 14 volumes of Wesley so that I don't get them confused." Jess was quick to point out to me that she didn't think this was a question that very many people asked themselves which I am pretty sure is just her way of telling me how special I am. But just in case I was wrong, I decided not to tell her that I was already calculating in mind how long it would take me to get to Calvin and Barth too.
My addiction has become so severe that, as of late, I've actually tried to step back and reflect on where this compulsion for reading comes from. For a long time, I could justify my addiction easily enough. I was in college. I was in seminary. Everyone else was doing it. I was just working hard to prepare for being a pastor and I could quit whenever I wanted. I've even considered the very real possibility that my compulsion to read stems from having too much of my self-worth wrapped up in intellectual achievement. (I probably have the psychology reading I did to thank for that one.) But the truth is, while all of those statements have some truth to them, none of them completely exhausts the compulsion I feel for reading.
The irony is (cue the serious part of the post) that as obsessive as my reading habits are I really do believe that this is one of the primary ways that God has chosen to work in me. Perhaps that sounds like the ultimate crutch; like the alcoholic or drug addict saying "I can't help it. This is just the way that God made me." but it is, in fact, what I believe about myself. That's not to say that I don't have to be careful about how much time I spend reading, especially in a profession where my use of time is largely self-directed and there are many important things to do in addition to studying. I readily confess that it will always be a temptation for me to study to the extent that I neglect other important aspects of my role as a pastor (and as a husband and father). I also recognize that when I find what I think is a good balance between reading and other aspects of life there may be others who do not agree with that assessment.
In spite of all that, I still believe that reading and study are and will likely always be one of the primary means of grace in my life. This is about more than having answers or being prepared. This is about how God is shaping me as His servant. I believe this because I know how God used my time at ENC and NTS to transform me as a person. I believe this because I know that now, as I've dedicated larger amounts of my time to studying once again, I feel God working in me in new ways again. These last few weeks that I've spent reading Wesley have been some of the most intense time of spiritual formation I've experience in the last couple of years. God has spoken to me about weaknesses and blind spots in my life and ministry while also helping me let go of some burdens that I've been holding onto for quite some time. I'm looking forward to finding out what else the Word can work in me through the written words of others in the months and years to come.
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